We know the statistics on men’s mental health in South Africa, and they are deeply concerning. According to an article published by the Cape Argus ,around 13,774 suicides are recorded annually in the country, with roughly 10,861 of those being men which is almost 79% of the total. Among young men aged 15 to 24, suicide is the fourth leading cause of death. These numbers paint a stark reality.
Whether one clings to traditional ideas of masculinity or embraces a modern, open-minded view, men in South Africa are struggling. Many of us grew up without being taught how to confront the consequences of our actions. When faced with hardship, failure, loss, disappointment, or the crushing weight of mental distress, some men find themselves unequipped to process or endure it.
They may see no way out, not because there is a single cause, but because they never developed the tools to handle accountability, emotional pain, or failure. While mental health disorders play a crucial role and must be acknowledged, at the very core of our development lies one of the earliest and most essential tools a parent or mentor can give: The ability and willingness to take responsibility.

When a man learns to own his choices and actions, he gains more than control, he gains agency. He stops being a passive victim of circumstance and instead becomes someone who responds with purpose. Unfortunately, many men are socialised to suppress vulnerability, to hide their feelings, to avoid admitting pain, and to “man up” instead of reaching out. Over time, the silence builds. Our roars go unheard. Our openness is rejected and eventually we no longer feel like the men we used to be. Yet there is a way forward. A way to stay connected, to stay engaged in our families and communities, and to live lives of meaning. The statistics demand our attention and our action. Men are far more likely to die by suicide than women in South Africa, nearly four or five times, depending on the data.
Young men particularly are at risk. If we’re committed to change, we start by taking responsibility, not as blame, but as self-respect. When something goes wrong, ask questions such as,  "What role did I play?" or "What can I learn?". Surround yourself with men who model accountability who show that real strength includes admitting error, repairing harm, learning and growing.

It’s also vital to build emotional literacy. Many men never learn to name emotions beyond anger or frustration. But naming what you feel such as fear, shame, sadness, disappointment, brings connection and relief. It doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human. Talking with a trusted friend, partner, or mentor, or writing down what you’re feeling, these are powerful habits. Build a support network, someone you can talk to when things get heavy.

We also owe it to the next generation. If you are a father, uncle, older brother or mentor, teach boys that real strength includes accountability, emotional awareness and resilience. Show them what it is to own mistakes, express feelings, and face difficulty with courage. Talk about failure and recovery; don’t only celebrate success. Traditional gender norms “boys don’t cry,” and “men don’t show weakness” must be challenged. Strength isn’t silence. Strength is connection, vulnerability and healing.

Men don’t have to silently struggle in South Africa or anywhere. The statistics are sobering, but they also bring hope because we can intervene, we can change the narrative, we can equip ourselves and those who follow. By stepping into responsibility, growing emotional intelligence, building strong connections, redefining masculinity, and reaching out when it’s too heavy, we live not simply to survive but to thrive in our families, communities and ourselves.

These resources and steps help me in times of challenge & I invite you to explore them.

1. FAMILY REDEMPTION CHURCH.
(located at R304 RD, Wild Clover Farm Wijnlanden Uitzicht, Stellenbosch.)

2. South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) at 0800 567 567.

3. Lifeline South Africa at 0861 322 322.

4. Regular exercise and proper sleep.

5. Maintaining purpose in work.

6. Family or community.

7. Practising gratitude and reflection.

8. Checking in with yourself by asking: How am I doing? What am I avoiding? What small step can I take?